Many years ago I attended a marriage seminar that was run by Gary Smalley. He did a wonderful job of explaining some of the best ways to make a marriage strong. One of the takeaways that I remember to this day was this: “STAY CURRENT.”
He went on to explain this phrase by saying that a lot of marriages (and other relationships, for that matter) disintegrate over time because one (or both) of the parties will allow issues that need to be addressed to go unresolved. Many times I have seen newer marriages exhibit this behavior by either one or both spouses, with the excuse given of, “I don’t want to rock the boat as we are just getting to know each other as spouses. I will bring it up later.”
That is the problem.
When you do that – wait until “the perfect time”, “when he/she is in a better mood”, etc. – you are NOT staying current. You are allowing the conflict to grow mold, to fester, to get buried. In my book (SubmUrgency: How to Live – and Die – Without Regret), I call these issues submerged Urgencies, or “SubmUrgencies.” I have discovered that Mr. Smalley’s advice does not only apply to marriages, or even relationships.
Many times we will bury things that we know we need to handle sooner than later – but we delay taking action. Then, we wake up one day and we have no Faith Walk.. We have saved nothing for college, or for retirement. Our marriage is over. We have no relationship with our children. We are overweight, and are taking various prescription medications. We ask ourselves, “How did I get here?” The answer is…
We did not “Stay Current.”
On a related note, years ago I heard that a counselor told a couple going through premarital counseling this bit of wonderful advice: “Don’t go back to the Museum!” He went on to explain that phrase by saying that many couples who get married who have been in previous relationships will get jealous about their new mate’s old flames. One will start asking questions about the other mate’s past, and then will be upset about what he or she is told. The counselor said that this was like “going back to the museum”, where the previous relationships still reside. Do not go back there! There is nothing of value to help your current relationship by doing so.
My best advice to you – about relationships, and other significant areas of life – is to…
Stay Current;
Do not revisit the museum, and;
Take Action TODAY.
By doing these three things, you will live with a lot less Regret.
